Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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