Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
