I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
