tell your sister to shave her snatch
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
