Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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