Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
