Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
