Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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