I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
