true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
