i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize