There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And then my night got REAL pukey
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
