Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
