o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
