puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
