Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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