Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
