The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just gift wrapped bread.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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