but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
