Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
