We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your penis caused this!
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