Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
