in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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