I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
