The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
