if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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