i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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