Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize