careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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