Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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