so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
