So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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