when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm really busy with my period
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