i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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