My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
