I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
