he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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