it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
