I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
