Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize