if i can run in heels then i can drive
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Someone came in the potted fern
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
