Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
