I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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