I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize