Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
