mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
