onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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