Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she woke up with a sticky ear
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
