my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
