Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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