hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
