kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
