I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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