I just made out with a guy for $7.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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