Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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