apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
