She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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