my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
