Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
