i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize