I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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