I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
