Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
