My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
