mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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