Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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