I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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