He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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