Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Hurt me personally.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though

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  (954): Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass? (1-954): Hurt me personally. (954): Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though http://tfl.nu/ypmo
  Replies (18) Good night (1968) Bad night (458)
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  (949): View more from California

  i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.

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  (949): i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole. http://tfl.nu/wmi4
  Replies (37) Good night (574) Bad night (3081)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

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  (616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sgel
  Replies (132) Good night (1245) Bad night (30126)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.

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  (517): Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond. http://tfl.nu/hqwj
  Replies (15) Good night (550) Bad night (3098)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom

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  (847): she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/dcxm
  Replies (26) Good night (765) Bad night (4448)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"

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  (541): You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore" http://tfl.nu/euok
  Replies (12) Good night (5918) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

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  (303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan
  Replies (11) Good night (1428) Bad night (6472)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.

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  (315): My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best. http://tfl.nu/ofn0
  Replies (32) Good night (6381) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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  (760): i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have http://tfl.nu/ddny
  Replies (22) Good night (934) Bad night (5223)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

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  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1510) Bad night (3962)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.

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  (917): But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting. http://tfl.nu/vtlx
  Replies (6) Good night (1952) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

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  (563): I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished. http://tfl.nu/1qri
  Replies (10) Good night (5393) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.

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  (418): You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar. http://tfl.nu/ds06
  Replies (2) Good night (745) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.

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  (701): Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead. http://tfl.nu/7ubq
  Replies (0) Good night (501) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No this is saxophone Chris

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  (804): Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris? (215): No this is saxophone Chris http://tfl.nu/wuq2
  Replies (10) Good night (1186) Bad night (260)

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