As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.