enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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