Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.