I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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