am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
