also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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