His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
