he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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