i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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