Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
