If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
