Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
