I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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