Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i think i have two assholes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
