Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
