About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
