one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
